If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
