i already hear my dad disowning me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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