Say something about gay babies.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
