oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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