She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
