be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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