Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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