Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
