so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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