Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
