dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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