Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
