Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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