I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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