Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
