i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
