Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
