mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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