All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
