I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
