dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
this will be a night to untag.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
