dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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