those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
