I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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