The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
