Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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