Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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