I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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