Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
