Kareoke will never be a sober sport
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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