Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sorry about my life...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
