dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
His nipple licking is glorious
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