Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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