Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
