He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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