Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
