Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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