I accidentally had phone sex last night
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
