also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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