He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
