some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
