What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
