I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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