i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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