Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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