No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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