So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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