I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
as a side note pls kill me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize