were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
