I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
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My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
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I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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