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When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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