I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Life is so much better after having sex.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
