god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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