I'm jealous of your bromance
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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