At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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