idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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