Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
