Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
what day is it and did you see me today?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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