I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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