I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
