it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
