I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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