She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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