This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
