Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
