You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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