you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
