Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
