White coat. Heels.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
