I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
