the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
