What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
