ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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